TwoSpade’s Deck

*Sigh*

I heard bad things in the reviews, so I avoided it, but a friend recommend I watch it anyway.  Mistake.

As you probably know if you are reading this, I HATE (HATE HATE HATE) the movie Transformers on several levels.  This is on the same list.

I’ll break it down fact by fact:

According to the show, for five years teenagers have been using an unregulated holographic simulator to simulate sacrifice, orgies, and other amoral acts and parents let their kids use them: she had to be “grounded” from it, implying she is allowed to the rest of the time.

Not only can they log into this system, they apparently have administrative rights to create a highly sophisticated AI with in it.

This AI is programmed by a monotheistic (which would be considered occult in this setting) teenage girl, whose very principals are in direct conflict with the creation of artificial life, as it would be “playing God.”  Her entire character is a contradiction of itself.

Her equally teenage boyfriend somehow has access to military grade G-4 (remember it’s called that in Galactica) plastic explosives and detenation equipment.

Entire planets are apparently stereotyped to a few functions: Tauron is apparently the farming/mafia planet.  Gemenon is apparently the religious one (again, Galactica supports this with the “Gemenese” who are portrayed as real world Christian Scientists-rejection of medical treatment).  I wonder if Cancer is the Bank planet and Leo is the Amusement planet?  It would have taken real writers to have all the planets be as diverse as Earth I guess.

I sat and watched Graystone and Adama not talk about anything in the street and at the coffee shop.  Complete waste of time.  Throughout the movie, they mostly just starred at each other.

The school headmaster knew Zoey was a monotheist, but despite meeting in private with her friend that wussed out getting onto the train, she didn’t tell her until later that she was also a monotheist.  Instead she actually preaches Athena to her.  This is just contrary and does nothing for the story.

Adama is apparently too stupid to realize that because he doesn’t have a copy of his daughter in the computer she is only parts and pieces so she would of course not be functioning as well as Graystones daughter who was uploaded right before she died.

A Cylon prototype tried to shoot at a clearly superiorly designed robot with advanced 360 maneuverability and much higher speed than any of the Cylons found later in the series.  If you mount a gun on one of those domed robots it would be 1000x more effective in combat.  Basically: they already have a good/better fighting robot.  There AI was also quite advanced, as the show proved with the Graystone butler robot.  Cylons are inferior in design, even in Galactica to those robots.

Computerized Paper = More advanced technology than anything anyone possessed in Galactica.

“The human brain contains roughly 300 Megabytes of Information.”   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!   BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is the stupidest line ever spoken in science fiction.  Ever.  EVER!

If you steal a proprietery microprocessor from another company, you can just slide it into your robot and it will work.  Dumb dumb dumb…

There are no legal ramifications to stealing the microprocessor (they LAUGH at the accusation near the end) and mass producing it yourself will also not be an issue despite not having the same equipment or science team to create it in your own company.

When you upload your daughter’s consciencousness into another place, you “move” it, not “copy” it.  Ya’ know, because if something goes wrong you don’t need a backup.  DUMB DUMB DUMB…

Apparently Zoey Graystone has combat training, as after being uploaded into the Cylon body, she is flawlessly accurate with a machine gun in a new body.  (His own programming was already proven to not be good enough to do the same, so no, he did not just ADD it himself…)

When you leave a highly complex AI in a room by itself, be sure to give it a cellphone so it can call their teenage friends…

Okay, I’ll stop.

This movie was awful.  Possibly one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.  I’m sorry, and I really wish I could get my $14 back from iTunes.  I will not be watching the series.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 at 10:11 pm and is filed under Critique. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.