So my enthusiasm for this holiday season is even higher than it usually is. Those who know me pretty well know that I love Xmas music, movies, and decorations. The last time I moved, there was a look of surprise among my friends who discovered how many of my boxes were labeled “Xmas Lights” and “Xmas Decorations.” Anywhere I am working during the holidays, I always have a big collection of music that I share with the coworkers. But this year, the season is even more exciting for me.
My time here in Iraq is finally coming to an end, and there is plenty to look forward to.
I’m one of those guys that make lists. My lists have been growing every day.
First, afterall, it IS Xmas, so there are some new things I get to shop for. A new laptop, (although this tough guy here has served me well for several years), a new car (which apparently EVERYONE has an opinion on, and not only an opinion but an educated one, which I would like to thank everyone for giving me, as I try and learn about it from almost square one), a nice little library of games to conquer (perhaps you’ll see my review of these games on a website that I build later…), and more than likely, a completely new wardrobe of clothing (because I’m 30 lbs. lighter than I was when I first got out here, want to get some stuff that actually fits me, and genuinely want a new look). This doesn’t even include a couple of purchases I still plan on making in the future with regard to furniture, a new LED LCD TV, and if all goes to plan, maybe even a new house! But, I have to spread these things out a little right? Can’t be Xmas everyday! (I wish!)
Being out here gave me a new attitude and perspective on things that I want to do with my freetime too. We take that time for granted often, and now I’ve been in a position where freetime is very limited, and also the options for what I can do with it is as well. From now on, I want to always be learning something practical, something professional, and something fun at any given time. So I’ve made lists of practical things I want to learn either from family and friends or from actual formal classes, like car maintenance, cooking, and hunting. I’ve made lists of professional certifications I want to earn by studying for them myself or taking classes to help me nail the tests. And there are all kinds of things that I’ve talked myself into taking up when I get back that I otherwise would have declared “too expensive,” “too dangerous,” or in some cases, even something I was just plain afraid of. I’ve been to a war zone now, recreational things that people do everyday safely should be cake, and I need to just get over my hang-ups about such things. So expect to see me on the ski slopes, learning some water sports, and maybe even jumping out of a plane. Thrills await!
Oh but don’t worry, part of that nerd you used to know still lives. Also on these lists are getting things together like a live and online campaign of D&D 4th Edition going with my friends, going through that library of games I have had stacking up since freetime became a limited commodity, and I’m hoping to launch a gaming review site like I used to do on FeelTheFunk.com.
Can I do it all? I think so, and I think by putting it all out here for all my closest friends and family to see (that is assuming they actually read it!) will give me that extra push not to make a liar out of myself by declaring it all so publicly. Keep me in check okay? You see me start slipping? Smack me!
My experience in Iraq had a unique effect on me that I could not have predicted. About the only part I did predict was the financial freedom that is going to allow all of the above things to be much more possible! But going from not really reading any books (just browsing though a tech/certification guide or players manual) to book worm, from wimp to gym-rat, and from boring nerd to adventure seeker I think has been fantastic, and I can’t wait to see everyone.
And that brings me to the most exciting part of bringing this all to a close: seeing everyone. Not only do I have my old friends and my family to see, but I have new family members to meet, family members I haven’t seen in years, old college friends I reconnected with (thank you once again Facebook!), and just all kinds of people that I’m looking forward to seeing.
I think I have been here long enough eh?
I’ll see you all soon. But first, some holiday cheer from Iraq!
An inflatable reindeer sent by another ISS employee to the office!
The Mighty Pajero. All ISS employees out here have driven in one. Back in the states they are called Monteros, apparently because Pajero is slang in South America for "Wanker"
In the spirit of spreading holiday cheer, I bought some Xmas lights to decorate our whiteboards with!
How can you tell I'm going home soon? My XBox is already packed!
All of our servers in theater were supposed replaced or upgraded. September was the month to do it. I had hidden quite a while on night shift without being chosen to go to one of the other bases to replace one, but finally, my turn came up, and I was going someplace new.
My coworkers say this look works for me. Eh?
FOB Delta is right next to Al Kut, which I didn’t know anything about until I saw that Wikipedia entry either. After being there, I still know about as much as I did.
It is notable that getting a flight out there required almost a weeks notice, and the only flight available coming back would be two days later. This is not a very big or happening place.
I got my flight for Sunday, and got onto my good ol’ favorite: the C-130. This particular one (which I couldn’t take a picture of, no photos allowed on the runway) was called Wyoming with the rodeo icon from the license plate decal on the side. If any of you know me at all, you’ll know why I was laughing as I got on.
The flight was uncomfortable, but that was expected. When I landed I was greeted with this great sign:
Yeah, we'll see about that!
I made a list of phone numbers to call when I landed to get to the server. My job was actually really easy, and would only require about an hours worth of work. I just had to swap out hard drives and make sure they were recgonized in the new server. We used imaging software for the upgrade, making the process a whole lot simpler.
Unfortunately, no one answered any of the four numbers I called. So I sat in the terminal for a while. Well, because this airport is so small and they only have about three flights a day, people started to get suspcious of why someone was sitting around the airport, so finally an employee asked me what I was doing. I explained that I was looking for a MSgt Byron to get my server upgraded. I quickly discovered the “small town” feel of the base when he knew exactly who I was talking about and offered to take me there.
Kayron was his name. He drove me in a Gator to where his office was. Of course, as expected, he wasn’t there, but one of his lackeys knew where the server was and pointed me in the right direction. Right into this storage room for food and drink, where they stored our server. Awesome!
"Server Room" My Ass
I've never had a server room with so many refreshment available though...
Like I said, after about an hour of work, I was done, and now I needed a place to stay for two nights. Byron ended up being in his office when I was finished, so he got me setup with the temp billeting folks, and they thankfully gave me a set of linens so I didn’t have to buy my own. When I got to my tent, I discovered it was huge and empty. I had my pick! I picked the pink one. Yeah, that’s right, it was the softest one, so what!?
If tents could echo...
Take your pick...
Oh yeah! That's nice!
I don't see tents like this in the mountains.
The chow hall was right across from where I lived, but I needed a power converter for my laptop, so I looked for the store first. The PX was right next to the same 3 fast food places that seem to be on every base (Burger King, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell), and since I was parched, I sat and drank a Gatorade staring at them. Should I cheat my diet while I’m on this short trip? Nah!
So I go to the chow hall and eat. I caught the end of the Dallas Cowboys game and watched the press conference of Romo crying about letting his team down. While that was satisfying, otherwise I was people watching. I saw a big guy sit a row away from me, and just a few minutes later, a cute Army chick walked up behind him and started flirting with him. I suddenly decided there may be such a thing as “too skinny,” so I grabbed 3 sugar cookies on my way out, and ended up cheating my diet anyway (albiet minorly ).
I watched some Three Sheets episodes on my laptop and fell to sleep.
The next day, I had the whole day to kill, so I thought I’d check out the MWR. They wouldn’t let me take my bag in, so hooking my own computer to the Internet was out, plus there wasn’t much going on there anyway, however, I HAD to take pictures of the elementary school decorations they used all over the place:
The Video Game Room consisted of 4 TV's and no video games or people. And this paint job!
Music is serious business!
I'm speechless here.
I honestly don't think I could read in a room with this up on the wall!
Then I went home and tried to watch some more Three Sheets and Burn Notice on my laptop. I say tried, because I started to feel ill. I started sweating even though it was a nice cool temperature in the tent, I felt a little queezy, and my head was exploding! WTF?
Well, when you flip your night schedule over on short notice and you use copious amounts of caffeine to accomplish your task, suddenly cutting off your supply completely because you forgot to bring any with you (and were unwilling to drink soda to get your fix), has adverse effects on you. I have a love/hate relationship with caffeine I’ve learned. Anyway, I slept off my withdrawal symptoms and got up for dinner. ”Small Town-itis” continued, because I realized I began already recognizing the same people at the chow hall.
Sleep was easy to come by after dinner (with more cookies). The next morning, I packed all my stuff up and walked to the bus stop to get a ride back to the mini-airport. Just in case the worst happened (I got stuck there another few days) I put all my bedding into a garbage bag and stuffed it into a locker. I guess it is someone else’s problem now! I’m probably guilty of a little racial profiling here, but I was definitely surprised to find that the individual driving the bus was into female twangy country music. Loud at that. Saw some sights on the way:
Hot!
Dirt field, dirt courts, dirt...
Hehe...heh...war...
The ride home was mostly fine, with a small delay on the runway at our first stop. By which I mean a hellish hour in a metal oven on a hot Iraqi summer day with a huge pallet of supplies blocking the cargo door that was our circulation. We had to wait for some VIP’s. After everyone started to get really annoyed, conversation started up. I had to put the smack down on the fatty old guy that smelled like 5 packs a day next to me, when he started talking smack about Colorado. Once everyone but him agreed they preferred it to Montana, we were on our way again. :)
Finally got back into the air and got home without incident and got right back onto the night schedule the next day. Not the most exciting trip I’ve been on, but still notable in the otherwise unnotable repetive experience I’ve had out here.
To make up for the mostly boring story, here is a tribute to Three Sheets with my new hoodie and the “Good Burp” sign. Cheers!
#5 I am now addicted to Audiobooks and PDF books. I have listened and read several that have either been fun or useful since being here. Quiet time in my room that I don’t fill with killing zombie hordes preparing myself for the inevitible Zombie Apocalypse that we all know is coming, is now me reading a PDF on my laptop (Kindles need to support color soon…). When there are only reruns of Chuck left, now I listen to a book. Excellent way to keep my eye on progress bars and still be learning something.
#4 You really can condition yourself to do healthy things.With some hard work, hard work can become part of your routine.When I first started going to the gym out here by myself I didn’t really know what I was doing.I’d go one day, skip the next, maybe a couple, and go back when I felt like it.When I started getting some guidance from some good friends (big thanks to JasonG and BigZero) and started to take it seriously, there were growing pains.When I say pains, I mean I couldn’t walk without using a wall for balance and/or couldn’t raise my arms.I changed my diet and went through headaches and sickness from not balancing my meals and dehydrating from not drinking enough or supplementing incorrectly.But then once I got into the rhythm of it, now I feel guilty any day I miss the gym (even on days I NEED rest) and that old Theo, that used to forget to eat and drink properly when he was playing video games all day, is gone.It is also worth noting, the reason I started working out has gone from being what I thought was a total solution to a problem (my self esteem, which I have recently learned it is not a complete cure for), to a lifestyle choice because I feel healthier in mind and body which effects everything I do in a positive way.
#3 I’m much better about overcoming fears.Coming out to Iraq was coupled with fear.How I was going to cope during my time here, what I was going to do afterward, and just being in a foreign place were all things I feared.I went from freaking out about having to go to Balad, to looking forward to taking the Black Hawk ride in about 10 minutes, I just had to think about it differently.While I always try to remain realistic rather than optimistic or pessimistic, the best way I can describe it is I am trying to put more emphasis on the “now” than the “what can happen.”I had a nasty habit of overthinking things, but applying ideas like “you know, I lived in a war zone for over a year, this is nothing” when I face something new that I’m afraid of is putting several things into a new perspective.I just need to continue practicing doing things out of my comfort zone and I know I’ll be better for it, because in some ways I already am.
#2 I’ve had a complete paradigm shift for the better.I have positively changed my view of things since I’ve been here.It stems from several things, from some good conversation, my own personal introspection, and studying several different kinds of nonfiction material.The most exciting part about this is that the feeling continues to grow.In fact, I would venture to say some of my biggest feelings of relief and positivity have come from things I discovered for and about myself just a couple weeks ago.What is more important to me is that people have noticed, so I know it is working! This only makes it that much better.
#1 I have an awesome network of friends and family.While several of my friends and family did not support my initial move out here (again, JasonG should get props to standing up to, well…everyone!), once I made the decision and followed through, I’ve had nothing but the best support.From personal messages from old friends just checking in, public comments on my photos and blogs, or just the random “Hi” and “We miss you!” (<-Thanks Amber!)on my Facebook (arguably the most important website to me since I’ve been out here), while a little over a year ago today I was at an all-time low, I feel better than ever just because I know how many people are looking out for me. And I can’t wait to party with all of you after I get back!
Three ISS employees were due to come in and one to go home. None of them got their wish. Ten minutes before the plane that would drop them off and take our anxious friend home, they cancelled due to the largest dust storm reported out here in the past 5 years.
Included below are some pictures of the event. Apparently, we were hit “lightly.” Up north, they had one foot “sand drifts” forming outside of doors to trailers. Sand shovels anyone?
A message from the thick layer of dust on the air conditioning unit outside our trailer.
Ran my finger across the top of the picnic tables outside on our porch by the office.
A black leather laptop case left outside. Finger print for depth.
A Pajero that was outside over night.
A bottle left outside during the dust storm.
The storm is over. Mostly...
And as a bonus, two more pictures:
A package sent to me from my roommate with all my mail from home. The Postman put a message on there that said the following: "Thankx, we needs heroes bad come home safe -Wayne"
The crew of the Colbert Report up on stage at the palace. Couldn't take pictures while they were filming, so this is the only shot I got!
That’s all I have for an update this time, take it easy everyone!
I heard bad things in the reviews, so I avoided it, but a friend recommend I watch it anyway. Mistake.
As you probably know if you are reading this, I HATE (HATE HATE HATE) the movie Transformers on several levels. This is on the same list.
I’ll break it down fact by fact:
According to the show, for five years teenagers have been using an unregulated holographic simulator to simulate sacrifice, orgies, and other amoral acts and parents let their kids use them: she had to be “grounded” from it, implying she is allowed to the rest of the time.
Not only can they log into this system, they apparently have administrative rights to create a highly sophisticated AI with in it.
This AI is programmed by a monotheistic (which would be considered occult in this setting) teenage girl, whose very principals are in direct conflict with the creation of artificial life, as it would be “playing God.” Her entire character is a contradiction of itself.
Her equally teenage boyfriend somehow has access to military grade G-4 (remember it’s called that in Galactica) plastic explosives and detenation equipment.
Entire planets are apparently stereotyped to a few functions: Tauron is apparently the farming/mafia planet. Gemenon is apparently the religious one (again, Galactica supports this with the “Gemenese” who are portrayed as real world Christian Scientists-rejection of medical treatment). I wonder if Cancer is the Bank planet and Leo is the Amusement planet? It would have taken real writers to have all the planets be as diverse as Earth I guess.
I sat and watched Graystone and Adama not talk about anything in the street and at the coffee shop. Complete waste of time. Throughout the movie, they mostly just starred at each other.
The school headmaster knew Zoey was a monotheist, but despite meeting in private with her friend that wussed out getting onto the train, she didn’t tell her until later that she was also a monotheist. Instead she actually preaches Athena to her. This is just contrary and does nothing for the story.
Adama is apparently too stupid to realize that because he doesn’t have a copy of his daughter in the computer she is only parts and pieces so she would of course not be functioning as well as Graystones daughter who was uploaded right before she died.
A Cylon prototype tried to shoot at a clearly superiorly designed robot with advanced 360 maneuverability and much higher speed than any of the Cylons found later in the series. If you mount a gun on one of those domed robots it would be 1000x more effective in combat. Basically: they already have a good/better fighting robot. There AI was also quite advanced, as the show proved with the Graystone butler robot. Cylons are inferior in design, even in Galactica to those robots.
Computerized Paper = More advanced technology than anything anyone possessed in Galactica.
“The human brain contains roughly 300 Megabytes of Information.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is the stupidest line ever spoken in science fiction. Ever. EVER!
If you steal a proprietery microprocessor from another company, you can just slide it into your robot and it will work. Dumb dumb dumb…
There are no legal ramifications to stealing the microprocessor (they LAUGH at the accusation near the end) and mass producing it yourself will also not be an issue despite not having the same equipment or science team to create it in your own company.
When you upload your daughter’s consciencousness into another place, you “move” it, not “copy” it. Ya’ know, because if something goes wrong you don’t need a backup. DUMB DUMB DUMB…
Apparently Zoey Graystone has combat training, as after being uploaded into the Cylon body, she is flawlessly accurate with a machine gun in a new body. (His own programming was already proven to not be good enough to do the same, so no, he did not just ADD it himself…)
When you leave a highly complex AI in a room by itself, be sure to give it a cellphone so it can call their teenage friends…
Okay, I’ll stop.
This movie was awful. Possibly one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry, and I really wish I could get my $14 back from iTunes. I will not be watching the series.
It all started with a LtCol wanting to train troops to use our product (CIDNE) in Kuwait. This apparently started several months ago. Three weeks ago, it was handed to me to coordinate with the military side to make it happen. This part was not without complication and frustration. After several emails and phone calls, it was clear they wanted to use the new server for training that would happen on May 19th (a date that changed twice).
Originally I wasn’t actually going on this trip. The systems guy I went to Basrah with was going to go. However now that the time table was moved up, he had a schedule conflict, and no one else was available. This sucks for a few reasons, but the biggest one (for me at least) was the pay difference. Kuwait is not considered a war zone, so hazard pay is out, and because I would be staying on military bases the whole time, I would also not be getting the “per diem” rate for staying in Kuwait otherwise. Also, I could not charge any overtime while I was there despite pretty much working with their guys from the time I woke up until I went to sleep.
Because the travel required delivering Secret material across borders and would require constant supervision while en route, I was partnered up with our Site Coordinator, Elissa. It would turn out this wouldn’t be as necessary as we thought, since the server was picked up almost immediately by the military as soon as we hit the ground in Kuwait. Her motivations for going were more simple, as she had just not gotten to travel to any of the other bases since she’s been working here, even though she really wanted to. She was really excited.
I have been on two trips, my motivation being getting a job done and checking Black Hawk ride off the list. My excitement was…limited.
Time to Go
Just getting the flight setup a pain all around. Scheduling a flight down there was confusing, as we applied for a flight on the 16th and instead got scheduled for one on the 22nd! Elissa tried to setup a flight through another service and ended up with a flight for Sunday the 17th, which was really cutting it close to our deadline install date (a date which now that I’m back is comical).
I am currently scheduled for the night shift, so because this would all be happening during the day. This of course added to the complication of coordinating travel and talking to the people we were meeting in Kuwait because everyone sent emails and made phone calls while I was in deep sleep. I had to depend on people during the day passing information on to me or hoping that I would get the information I needed the next day from the email I sent the previous night.
The day of the trip I slept in and came in early in the morning. That’s when the adventures really began.
First, the server wasn’t working 100%. There was a strange error that it was getting that no one seemed to be able to solve, and we were just going to box it up without fixing it and just deal with it on the ground. Second, the network guys on the Kuwait side had still not sent us IP addresses for the new server. Having this information ahead of time would make things much smoother for the install because we could test all the components with the real settings already configured. There wasn’t enough time to do anything about the error and we had to wait on the IP addresses from the network guys in Kuwait, so there was nothing to do but pack it up, and worry about it on the ground on the other side.
Quickly, I did my most important task of the day: setting my Facebook Status. I shut down my laptop when my SIPR (Secret) machine dinged. It was an email. With our damn IP addresses. That’s just great. The server is already duct taped in the box! I wrote down the IP information on an index card as fast as I could and we hopped in the car. Just not enough time to get everything just right.
Loading the server into the car before heading to the airport.
Elissa and I with the server in the armor we had to wear on the plane to Kuwait and back.
This is where the story gets a little funny. Everyone jokes about how easy my flight schedules are and how I never have delays or removed from a flight for military priority. Well of course, today would be the day that I get bumped and have to sign up for “Space Available.” I had to be there in two hours for the next flight. Two hours eh? That’s right, my luck with travel continues! Although I got bumped from my flight, it gave me an extra two hours to fix my server and configure the IP’s. Perfect!
We floor it back to the office carry the server BACK into the server room, hook it back and up, and get cracking. When the pressure is on, the system team really seems to pull it together and get it all done, as we got all the IP addresses assigned and configured and resolved the error we were getting (which turned out to be a damn check box). Relieved, I got back in the car with the server and went back to the airport to catch the flight.
The Trip
The flight was on a C-130 again. Again, this is always a lesson in discomfort. It was also too loud to talk, so Elissa used her iPhone Notepad and handed it to me to communicate with me while we were in the air. Eventually she fell asleep and I stole the phone for a while (my PSP was in my bag, unreachable) and did some Sudoku. Thankfully it really helped make the time go by, and it seemed like we landed right around the time I finished my puzzle.
A Night to Kill
Once we landed, the first part of our mission was to get our visa, as we had to leave Ali Al Salem Air Base to get to where we were installing the server: Camp Buehring. Unfortunately, this is a 12 hour process. They apparently have to take our passport, drive it all the way to Kuwait City, get it stamped, and drive it back. So, we would have to stay the night there in transient housing. That is, a tent with bunk beds:
Lovely.
This tube was our AC Vent. It had velcro flaps or, as some people did, you just cut a hole in it with your knife...
Our second mission was to find the military contacts we had so they could take the server off of our hands and coordinate with us when to pick us up the next day after we got our visas. This ended up being really easy, because they found us at the counter where we went to get our visas. This is most likely because Elissa was easy to pick out, as females are in short supply on most military bases. Not being a military guy myself, I didn’t really understand who these guys were, and it was later explained to me that having a Sergeant Major escorting you around and helping you lift a server into his truck is kind of a big deal. Thankfully, he was a really cool guy when ended up helping us out several times throughout the trip.
SGM DeBauge pictured here with the first Ronald McDonald I've seen in 9 months.
They took the server, had dinner with us at the chow hall, gave us a number to call when we were ready to get picked up, and headed back to base with the server, so the heavy lifting part was pretty much over. Now it was just a waiting game for our passports. I decided to spend the time exploring the base a little. Amusingly, there were some things to see around the base:
"Golden Arches" have a better ring than "Golden lower case j looking letter," so they kept the logo in Kuwait.
A soccer game in the sand. Don't know if it was a league or just a pickup game.
USO Show happened to be going on. Some B-Rate Comedians, but still helped pass the time.
Don't ask me why, but the closest place I could find cold water to drink was at the laundry trailer. I think I went there about 5 times.
The Easy Part
Early the next morning Elissa and I met up and got our passports back and called to get picked up by the Sergeant Major DeBauge and Sergeant McCoy again. I ate some more unhealthy food for breakfast (I’m going to be on a treadmill for hours this week making up for this little trip) and they got there right around the time we were done.
For breakfast: A little taste of home.
Oreo McFlurry. Closest thing I've had to an Oreo Shake in a long time. Elissa claims she has never seen me so happy.
They gave us a mini-tour of the surrounding area and we tried to go to a couple shops, but we didn’t get to see any camels along the road up close and we got up too early to hit the Kuwaiti shops (which Elissa was particularly excited about). The ride there was like driving through Nebraska and/or Kansas except, instead of fields on both sides, it was just sand, as you can see:
Yeah. This is what all that fuss was about. Saddam invaded this. Lucky this is on top of a sea of oil.
Wait, I think I see something! Oh. A junk yard. Awesome...
Once we got there, they took us to where we were staying. Again, not really knowing who I had with me, we walked into a tent full of MP‘s who I would be staying with. All of them looked very surprised and a little worried. First of all, there was a female in the tent with them, so the Sergeant Major said “I don’t think you are supposed to be here.” Oops. Also, they were all just killing time until they got a flight out to Baghdad, so they were not really put together.
They gave me a cot, and answered all of the Sergeant Major’s questions at attention. They soon sorted out that the girl in there was the only MP in their squad that was a female and she was in a tent by herself next door. This was a concern because of the attempted sexual assaults and kidnappings that have been reported on several different bases, so they kept her close. He forgave them for the situation, but said to come to him next time so he can resolve it properly. Around that time I grasped that I was probably dealing with someone with more authority than I realized.
Tonight of course, Elissa would be staying with the female MP. I felt bad that the guys I would be staying with that night kind of got busted because I happened to be sharing a tent with them and was being escorted by a high ranking guy, so before we went to install the server, I tried to make piece by asking “You guys seen the new Star Trek movie yet?” None of them had, so I tossed them my thumb drive and said “Take it!” and pulled out my portable hard drive “and these too.” (Piracy FTW!) They were really excited and told me they would hook me up too and copied some movies for me to my hard drive after I left. Of course, their gratitude would continue after I got back in a hilarious manner.
But first, I had to install the server on the rack and get things moving. They took us to a pretty nice building and I met one of the guys I exchanged several emails with about where I was installing the server and what I needed. He showed me where to put the server, and Elissa and I put the server in there, despite the rack being pretty old and actually not being the right size for our server. It stuck out the back, and we had to take down some of his power strips in order to fit it in there, plus we had to bend some of the metal of the front posts just to screw in the railing system. But it got in there dammit.
See, it fits. Kinda.
Now all we have to do is plug it in -”oh yeah you guys still aren’t authorized to be on the network, you’ll need to talk to 581st.” The guy he hooked me up with at the 581st was the one who gave me the IP addresses about 5 minutes before I left. The end of his email said “You are not approved for the network yet.” I thought they just needed to ask me a question or verify some paperwork or something. Oh how wrong I was.
The Brick Wall
Our contact at the 581st wasn’t available, so we ate lunch to kill some time. I was eating 3 meals a day while I was out there, which is odd since I’ve really only been “eating” 2 meals a day and kind of snacking/drinking 4 others a day for my whole diet/workout thing. My metabolism probably still hates me right now as I’m writing this.
We finally got to meet with the 581st network guy and he delivered us the bad news: he isn’t the authority that can give us network access. The conversation ended up leading us to find out that despite all the reassurances I got in my emails about it “not being a big deal” to get IP’s and approval for the network, it was a huge deal. There is some great big authority in Kuwait, either called the RNOSC or ARCENT, or both, or I don’t know because the whole damn thing is confusing, but they insisted they had to have a meeting about it on the 21st. Wait…what? I’m supposed to have this server installed by the 18th, and you want to have a meeting 3 days AFTER our deadline? Suddenly our two military guys started pulling some rank and talking about how this whole project got started but it was concluded that their hands were tied and we’d have to deal with these new people.
By deal with these new people, I mean continue to get stonewalled. It was like no one on the network side knew that we were coming, even though this project was set in motion 5 months before I was even a part of it. “How did you guys get this far without talking to us about the paperwork involved?” How the hell were we supposed to know you even existed?
Obviously, there was a breakdown in communication between this 581st and the actual authority that let them do their job, which again, is just hilarious. Pretty much we had to send the same paperwork we already sent to the local network guys (the ones actually in Camp Buehring) to these God-like network authorities who had to give it their blessing. My boss, being who he is best, included the document from General Petraeus saying that our product is one of the ten programs necessary to do the job we’re doing out here (in simple terms: A BIG DEAL). Surprisingly, this actually prompted a smarmy response basically saying “That’s great that you are obviously well established, but we have a more important job of making sure you system isn’t redundant.” WTF!?
We gave them as much paperwork as we could and made all the phone calls we could for the day, and finally just had to say “Okay, we’ll see what happens tomorrow.” We ate dinner (what a concept!) and then they dropped us off at our tents.
How to Kill a Guy Trying to Rob You at the ATM
You probably think I’m joking about my subtitle there, but as I explained, the MP’s were suddenly big fans of mine for hooking them up with movies. In return, they decided they wanted to teach me how to defend myself from someone holding a gun up to my head, stomach, side, and back. Also a couple of tips for what to do about someone with a knife. It was a little nerve racking at first actually, since they took one of their actual side arms, took out the clip and checked the chamber and gave it to me and said “Hold this up to my head.” All in all, it was pretty interesting and informative, however who knows how my nerves would actually hold up with a mugger holding a gun to my head. Will I remember all the steps they taught me?
The other part that was funny was them trying to show me how some of it worked on each other. The reason is, they know all the counter moves and the proper way to stand and protect themselves from their own moves, so they kept telling their partners to “stop doing it properly,” so that they could show me. Of course, they all talked about what they would do in situations that were a little more advanced, and argued about the proper way to handle those things, which included interesting topics like “Ranger Knife Fighting,” and “Blocking a Knife with your hand.” Nice.
A while later, the guy sitting next to me, a big fella from Kentucky who the guys several times quipped with about being a “country boy,” showed me pictures of his family and just chatted with me. He also gave me some expensive sunglasses, explaining that they were sponsored by Oakley and they sent them new pairs to stress test all the time, so he didn’t need them anymore. Awesome.
Once I finally tried to get some sleep, I realized it was going to be rough. I didn’t bring a sleeping bag with me, as I figured I’d just rough it and use a borrowed blanket from one of our friends at the base. My big friend poked me later and said “you’ll freeze to death tonight if you don’t take this.” He gave me his sleeping bag, as he already had his cot setup otherwise. Him being a big guy, I actually fit in it. I slept great considering the cot. Elissa of course, told me the next morning, she didn’t have such luck and was freezing.
A surprisingly much better place to rest than the bunk beds. This was my tent that I shared with the MP's.
Those MP’s are supposed to get stationed at Liberty, so I’m hoping to run into them again, but it is a big base, so it might not happen. Cool guys though.
Still a No
The next morning, we met for breakfast, my MP buddies of course were already up and gone, and actually spotted me on the way back from the shooting range and shouted “My man!” from across the way. I guess I made an impression.
The next few hours we basically just waited. We waited in Sgt McCoy’s office, stopped by Starbucks, we waited at their MWR facility to kill some time, killed the battery of my PSP…
Starbucks in Kuwait.
At the MWR Facility. Gamer chairs with LCD's hooked up to Xbox 360's. Hour playing limit. The line went out the door for this and computers with Internet access.
Finally after lunch, and patience started to really wear thin, we started making phone calls to check the status.
The status was they still wanted to have a damn meeting on the 21st.
Things started to get ugly. Suddenly General officers were being brought up to fight battles to make things happen and apparently the stakes were raised to that level on both sides. This was getting way out of my hands now. Two Generals were going to call each other and argue over turning on a port of a switch for a server I just installed. How the hell did it come to this?
It was concluded there was no way it was going to be resolved today, and probably not even this week. Now the trainer and Sergeant Major looked to us and said “So are you going to wait here?” I told them I would call my boss, and thankfully I got the answer I wanted to hear: “Nope, come home. I’m not going to have you sit around and wait for them to get their shit together.”
We had them drive us back to Ali Al Salem and now had to do the same process over again, because of course Kuwait requires an exit visa too. I killed time with my PSP, and we signed up a for a Space Available flight in the morning. Without a hitch, or delays, I once again got the flight I wanted and made it home. Also, for a change of pace and also for much more comfort, it ended up being a C-17 with actual passenger seats. Without the server to worry about anymore since we left it in Kuwait, hoping they would come to their damn senses and turn the port on, the trip home was easy.
I stopped by work and explained to them more than what I could on the phone. They understood, which was a relief to me, as I felt like I had been put in charge of something and somehow didn’t come through, but it is obvious that someone on the military side didn’t do their part, and now we were going to have to deal with that.
Rest
They didn’t need me for anything else, and pretty much wanted me back on nights, so I decided to just go back to my room and pass out. Of course, this is what I found when I got back:
That hole in the wall is where my AC used to be. Dammit.
They were doing maintenance on all of the AC units on my row. I had to wait a couple hours before they brought it back. It was not pleasant to be sweating in my room just sitting there, but once they gave it back, I slept like a baby.
Aftermath
Followup emails were lists of demands that included so many acronyms for paperwork they wanted filled out and so many explanations that I really didn’t know what to do. All of this was sent to me, and they were asking for meetings during the day, so obviously I got a little stressed out.
This problem is currently still on going, and unfortunately isn’t simple either. They are asking for several things that may even require us retrieving the server, so “we” may have to go back and get it. We also have a manning problem out here, because our Site Lead had to take emergency leave and we had no one to replace him, and we are pretty much functioning under new leadership. This may turn out fine, but not having the original folks that worked on setting this up will probably make things harder. Elissa loved the trip, so she volunteered to go back, which might work, since if they can ship the server and she can just go back and retrieve the hard drives (the only part that is technically “Secret”), we can avoid having to send me down there…
Unfortunately, this problem has also taken a back seat, as this week we have had a crisis and a software upgrade. The crisis involved part of our database being deleted accidentally, and having to coordinate a restore of backups on all of our servers in theater. To put things in perspective, our product is basically a webpage that interacts with the database. No database, no product. Thankfully, it worked and we are back online. Software upgrades always have complications, however this last one didn’t have any problems during the upgrade, only code issues after that had to be resolved.
So, again I apologize for how long it took to update you all on my trip, but needless to say, between my trip to Kuwait and the issues we’ve had to take care of here, I’ve been pretty busy. Let’s all hope there isn’t a Part II to this story and they just turn the damn port on though…
The systems guy I share a shift with at night is leaving on Friday after being here for a year. Before he left, his brother, who is in the military, came out to see him before he left from Talil. He offered to take him and his friends to check out the garage of Cougar JERRV‘s he works with. Um…hell yeah!
Behold! The Cougar JERRV (Joint EOD rapid response vehicle) 6x6
The garage had several in there, including the 4x4 variant.
Though in the pictures below you can see how big they are relative to me, the interior is quite cozy. The glass windows are about 10″ thick. Most of what these things are made of is pure armor.
They used to carry spare tires, but decided changing 800 lbs. tires on the side of the road was unlikely.
Up by the turret. While climbing up there, I tried to be careful until I was assured "there isn't anything you could break on this thing if you tried."
We were given a quick run down of several sophisticated systems they use to find mines and IED’s. There are more screens and specialized computer equipment in these things than at my computer desk at home (FYI, that is actually saying a lot). They can also turn off all the lights and drive in complete darkness thanks to the sensors around the vehicle. In short, these things are badass.
Our tour guide grabbed something on the shelf in back and handed it to me. C-4 for controlled detentions to destroy unexploded ordnance and the like. Um…hell yeah!
Two sticks of C-4. The shelf inside was full of the stuff. Thankfully, usually when I hear a big boom outside, it is these guys blowing something up before it hurts any of our guys.
Each vehicle also has two robots, one for doing the big dirty work and another one for more precise work. Apparently, the “precise” robot is designed by the same guys who make the Roomba. “Why don’t you go ahead and pick it up, it isn’t that heavy.” Um…hell yeah!
Remote controlled robots for clearing explosives.
Needless to say but it was a nice surprise to get out of the systems shop and see something different today.
This shrine has several example of ordnance they clear. The logo in back is the EOD Crab. (Click picture for details)
If you are curious about the guitar shaped like a gun…you’ll have to talk to this guy:
Click picture for his Facebook Profile. Don't say I didn't warn you though.
In other news, I’m all caught up on Chuck, leaving me completely helpless to the waiting game of the Season 2 Finale. It’d be nice if I could watch the damn playoffs too.
I tried to stay awake. I got through about one game of hockey, and fell to sleep in my chair. It didn’t matter.
*KNOCK KNOCK* “KBR!”
That’s right. After I posted my blog and passed out from pure exhaustion, those bastards woke me up one more time: for a signature about all the fantastic work they did.
So a few days ago I started giving into a little peer pressure and playing Castle Crashers with a couple of mycoworkers. We did it immediately after work which all kinds of screwed up my gym schedule, which probably pissed off another coworker. In any case, I kicked my own ass so that I would only play on my days off from the gym with them, and got to sleep on time yesterday.
By some fluke, I woke up 4 hours earlier than I should have and felt fully refreshed and ready to go. Expectedly, after hitting the gym and having a fun filled 12 hour shift, I started to crash. Great! I’ll be back on my good schedule tomorrow right? RIGHT?
*KNOCK KNOCK* “KBR!” It was next door, but they might as well have been standing on my bed. Despite the fact that most people work during the day, they decided they should do this at least three times before going inside.
Okay fine. They are probably just fixing his A/C or something, they’ll be really quick and move along. It has happened before. Did I hear a drill? Whatever…zzz…
Maybe they noticed something about my door. See about three days ago, they did a fire inspection while I was gone. Some proactive KBR person probably thought they were being super helpful by noticing that my door had a “Day Sleeper” sign on the front, but because it was clearly 0840 when they visited my room, obviously that wasn’t true! My sign was removed:
The less dirty spot is where my sign used to be.
I get home at 1000, and sleep until 1800. Does that qualify as “Day Sleeper” to anyone else?
Anyway, obviously it must be something important right? So they knock on my door three times, and begin unlocking it themselves while I’m still stumbling to find some clothes to throw on. I open it, much to their surprise (they probably expected a “Day Sleeper” sign on the door) and explain they needed to install a hook. What…the…fuck…
That’s right, take a really close look here, because something about this is really fucking important. It is important enough for them to wake me up and install it in the middle of the day at least:
This is the hook for the old fire extinguisher they removed eleventy weeks ago for reasons they never explained.
This is the new hook that will actually hold up my new fire extinguisher.
Questions include: "Why can't it just stay on the floor where it is?" and "Aren't you going to take down the other one you lazy bastards?"
The Result: My Fire Extinguisher now is hanging up two feet off of the ground...exactly in the same place it was before next to a useless hook for the old one, and I only got 4 hours of sleep.
Okay, fine! It isn’t the greatest way to wake up, and having them drill into your wall will be hard to get over, but you can hop right back into bed and crash now. I mean it only took them a few minutes. Just crawl back in…get all situated again…start to drift off and you’ll be…
*BEWwwww…* (Power goes out.)
Now normally, you wouldn’t think that this would matter for someone trying to sleep. In this case, it effected things three-fold.
First, my A/C unit turning off is like an alarm clock to me. When I come home from Iraq (hm…someday!), I will tell everyone right now, the hardest thing I am going to have to face is sleeping without a whirring fan making noise. I work in a server room with whirring fans, my A/C unit is NEVER shut off, and outside, well, I live in a war zone-so it ain’t quiet. Needless to say, I woke up (if I even went back to sleep) immediately.
Second, apparently, the fire extinguisher hooks were just Phase 1 of a plan, because shortly after that, what sounded like 18 KBR people went into the room next door and started hammering and drilling…something! I had no idea what they were doing, but again, with my A/C unit off and unable to drown out any other sound, they might as well have used my head as a step to reach the ceiling where they were, at least in my imagination, installing a hockey arena scoreboard. I mean, it required the same sized team that it would take to install one of those at least.
Thirdly, I had the privilege of hearing who shut my power off. See KBR uses Walkie-Talkie technology to communicate how to terrorize us sleeping folk. So I got to hear all about how they shut down power…TO ONLY MY TRAILER. That’s right. My trailer is 271, where I live in Unit B. Apparently since my neighbor was getting his rink installed, they needed to shut down the power. Isn’t that special? So I got to hear all the updates on how and when my power was going to be restored via the loud radios attached to the team of 18 people next door installing whatever the hell it was blaring while they responded in broken English.
Surely this can’t take forever and I can get back to slee-*KNOCK KNOCK* “KBR!”
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
I open the door to a new team, this one also surprised to see me, as surely there should be a sign on the door or some such shit, indicating if someone were sleeping inside during the day. They explained, mostly through sign language and the only recognizable word they said from the English language: “light,” that they were here to install a new light.
By now I was so defeated. I knew I wasn’t going to get any more sleep. I shrugged and let them in. I asked them if they could fix the outside light since it was broken a while ago. They said they were replacing them all. At least a small victory. Hey maybe the new light will be nicer for my room or something. Maybe it is “greener” too. Wait, that isn’t a new light, that just looks like some extra pieces and some long screws. What the…
Had I known what was going to happen I would have been able to take “Before” pictures, but this is the result of their “new light” install:
Apparently, the light being flush against the ceiling is what was at issue here.
Somewhere, someone is patting themselves on the back for this three inches of clearance from the ceiling to protect me from...something.
They also installed this important plastic piece to cover up the old hole where the wires came out of and ghettoly hooked me up with a small piece of plastic pipe to cover the new wiring job.
As I watched the two “electricians” install my “new light” and tried to establish what the armed African security guard was so interested in reading on the back of my Brett Favre jersey, I accepted that I wasn’t going back to sleep.
I made one attempt to make a second small victory for myself and asked if they had any tape to fix the cover to my A/C unit, which kept falling off and getting dust all over Jason’s now completely dirt filled bed. I didn’t understand a damn word they guy said, but he yelled down the row. Apparently this was going to be the third guy that would have woken me up later to check out my A/C unit. I got it out of the way early. Lucky me.
I have no illusions that no less than 80% of the structural integrity of the room I live in is probably held together with this magnificent tape.
So if you need me, I’m going to kick off my shower shoes under my fire extinguisher and I’ll be on Xbox Live for the next few hours trying to get achievements in NHL 09 under my “new light,” and enjoy the rest of my morning. Hope everyone is just swell!
According to my day calculator, that means 8 months have gone by since I landed here.
Recently, things have been coming together. Well, at work at least.
I don’t have a life outside of work, so this is some of the only excitement I have. I got a server up and running that has been down for a while, I made a friend via email that helps me convert files for work so I can use them and got all caught up with that, I got all my maintenance projects into an easy nightly routine, and now we have all our new servers in to start replacing the old. We’re getting some imaging software to make it really easy, then it will just be a matter of sending them to each site and getting them hooked up. I guess it is just a stress reliever to know that you don’t have any projects hanging out there or any continuing nagging problems that you aren’t sure what you are going to do about them, like I have been feeling like for a while. Now I just follow my routine and everything is coming together pretty nicely. Even the things that have been popping up unexpectedly aren’t stressing me out.
But yeah, outside of work, meh. I go to the gym, but in order to have a gym partner, I have to go before work, so I don’t have enough time to do cardio now, so I’m worry about that. I got my “consume something every 2 hours” diet thing going again pretty strong, with some new multivitamins and supplement. Another compliment sprung from out of no where, when a coworker of mine said “seriously, your arms look massive today.” (and not the sarcastic bullshit that the naysayers I work with mockingly say either). I did just come into work after being at the gym, so I was all pumped up still, but, no one has ever said anything like that to my skinny ass before, so it was a big deal to me at least.
I’m thoroughly disappointed in all of you. Yes you, you and even you. Especially you. Why did no one on the planet inform me of the TV show Chuck and how extremely awesome it is? Seriously, the show basically has Theo written all over it and none of you said anything? When Heroes came out I had to tell several people several times that I had seen it because they would ask me everyday. But not Chuck? WTF?
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